


Go Apeshit

by Yoursaltness_and_TheMemeQueen



Series: Queenies Stuff [2]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Crack, I'm a lil salty, and I don't mean in the fun way, fuck murdoc, idc, just in case y'all didn't know, this is all fake btw, wild shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoursaltness_and_TheMemeQueen/pseuds/Yoursaltness_and_TheMemeQueen
Summary: leaked script for the Gorillaz TV show confirmed 100% for real totally not made up guys I swear I hacked into Jamie's computer and found this and decided to post it so here it is





	Go Apeshit

**Author's Note:**

> my canon now

It was a bright and sunny day at the Gorillaz household and everything was ok. Until Murdoc fucking Alphonce piece of shit Niccals came downstairs.

2D set down his newspaper and exclaimed in disgust. “Aw man see I ‘fought I was gonna ‘ave a good day but then he went and did this!”

“What did he do?” Noodle inquired after eating a big bowl of pussy.

“This bitch went and fuckin’ existed today.” 2D replied exasperated.

“He keeps fucking doing that shit!” Noodle exclaimed even more exasperated. 

“But I-” Murdoc started but was quickly interrupted by Noodle breaking a bottle of pickle juice across his face. Murdoc fell to the ground bleeding and stared up at the two, his pathetic, pitiful and pleading eyes meeting with their own remorseless ones.

“Why?” Murdoc asked, trembling.

“Well I don’t fucking know, maybe because you’ve created a living hell for all ‘free of us over the course of 20 years. You got me into two car accidents, one of which put me into a coma, that permanently damaged my fucking eyes and gave me brain damage, then you proceeded to kidnap me and Russel; you fucked my girlfriend and tried to choke me to death which lead to the band nearly breaking up. The only reason we weren’t broken up f’ good was because of sweet, sweet Noodle; then we broke up again because you literally killed her by fuckin up a deal with soddin’ pirates, which continued to chase us all th’ way to some shithole in the middle of th’ ocean; the same shithole that you brought me to against me will and terrorized and abused me ‘orribly with a giant demon fish! Then those wankers came around with that weird emo Big Bird motherfucker leading a battle that lead to me getting vored by a whale, Russel captured and Noodle being lost for another seven years!”

Noodle then chimed in. She looked to the pickle man, eyes dark and cold. “You are quite literally a demon in a human body, in fact, that’s too nice for you. You are a waste of space, of time, of breath, of existence, whatever force created you must be deeply disgusted and ashamed, you are the worst person I have ever seen with my eyes, you are an absolute parasite, a virus, nothing more than a disease masquerading as a living being.You are a sorry excuse of flesh and blood and I wish that all those who you’ve come into contact with you had never had to. You, Murdoc Niccals, are the perfect example of the worst of humanity rolled into disgusting vessel and thrown out into the world with no need or purpose, you are a disgusting, awful, sorry mistake and I hope you know that for the rest of your hopefully short life.”

Murdoc tried to make a vain attempt to beg for mercy when he was silenced by Russel busting through the wall with a blank and stoic expression on his face. His head slowly turned and he uttered  
“Omae wa mou, shindeiru.”  
He then T-posed and slid across the floor without moving his feet. His arm went through Murdoc’s head and it fell clean off.  
Later Gorillaz became the number one band of all time; 2D got the therapy he needed and realized his own self worth; Russel went on to kill Jamie Hewlett and replaced him with someone who actually knew how to write and be respectful of other races and genders; finally, Noodle became Queen of the Universe by sheer force of will alone.  
Together the three ushered in a new era of peace, love and harmony for humanity, which they kickstarted by killing Donald Trump.

Fin. <3

**Author's Note:**

> @Jamie take this as a warning. I will show you no mercy


End file.
